Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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