So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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