Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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