My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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