okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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