none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
