I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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