Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
