It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
