I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
