I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
