I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
