Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
