So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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