I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
