Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
