Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
