fuck your aforementioned shoe
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
