Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
