butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
