and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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