i don't plan on having that self control this summer
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
