Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
