This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
