What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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