Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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