she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
they need to just BURY HIM!
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
