yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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