like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
