where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
