Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
