I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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