I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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