And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
