I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
