nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
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