They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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