They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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