So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
