I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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