I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Rumble strips road head = magical
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
