Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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