This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
