I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
