Please, let me fuck your mom
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
FUCK WHALES
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