You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
