remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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