you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
