His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
