see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
