is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
