Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
