I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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