So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize