You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
