He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I need to stop coming to work sober
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
