you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
