stop calling my apartment porn island.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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