Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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