I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
