Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize