Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
