I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
