She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
