you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
