also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
