Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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