Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
My vagina is officially offended.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
