Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
