If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
