some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize