since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
