Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
