There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
