YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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