you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Found the puke drawer
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
