You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
