also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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